Building a Better Night’s Sleep

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I’ve been told that I look like I’m about to exit the Matrix when I’m getting ready for bed. I consume a variety of pills, install devices on my body, insist on complete darkness and shiver in the bone-chilling cold.

You might be thinking, “how is it possible that you’ve ever had a girlfriend?” or, “this guy is awesome!” (in which case, I’m wondering, how is it possible that you’ve ever had a girl/boyfriend?). Let’s face it – by the time the relationship progresses to a sleepover, it’s probably too late for them to make a smooth exit. They’re going to have to get used to your strange sleep habits.

Besides, the ends justify the means – according to my bedside brainwave monitor (seriously), I usually rank upwards of the 90th percentile for sleep quality scores.

Here’s how I scare off potential bedmates achieve great sleep. Continue reading